Please please all help welcome. I'm applying for Uni, and don't have the exact grades required. Therefore need to write an amazing personal statement to get myself in. Any criticism welcome. It's for a media course. Here's what i've got so far, half way through. The bottom paragraph, I think is going to be my conclusion.


I’ve always had a keen interest in the creative industries. From performance, through current affairs, to photography; I see media not as one topic, but an amalgamation of many disciplines. My dream is to be in an industry which I can enjoy. I feel that in this sense, media is my calling.
Determined and hard working, I am constantly looking to learn new skills and gain further information. I am very well read and have an astute interest in language. It is my attention to small detail which makes any task I undertake reach the highest standards.
I adore writing, and have recently written a script, which will be performed at the Dundee Repertory Theatre January 2008. An amateur piece, the enthusiasm it was greeted with by the director and fellow actors, gives an indication of the professional level I am capable of achieving.

Having been out of education for two years, I now feel wholly ready to enter a rigorous higher education program. I feel that my absence from regimented learning, has allowed me to investigate society in my own time. I have picked up many skills in the real world, which I may not have acquired, had I continuously been studying. The most important of these skills being, that I now want to learn and do not feel that I need to go to University as the accepted thing to do. I sincerely believe that it is this willingness to learn which makes this the correct time, and myself the correct candidate, for this university.


Please take the time to help me. I want to make a million before I'm 30.

Hi Idiosyncratic - how old are you? Also, what previous quals do you have (I'm more interested to hear about post 16 ed)? To qualify my questions - I'm (was) an HE lecturer for 11 years and when assessing a personal statement on a app would be looking at this info too.

In the meantime, vortexual is very right about qualifying your statements. Same too about you gap year time. Also, what about transferable skills that have come from your life/work experience to date. The script is a cool thing, why aren't you adding some details here. Also, even though you are going back into education to find this out, are there areas of interest in media you'd like to explore more?

. . . don't gush too much with things like "I sincerely believe that it is this willingness to learn which makes this the correct time, and myself the correct candidate, for this university." This is something I would totally ignore if I saw it in a UCAS application (trying too hard) - that's not to say don't keep it but it may not be needed.

Also "I have picked up many skills in the real world, which I may not have acquired, had I continuously been studying." Qualify this . . .

There are a couple of other things but let's see a second draft first . . .

I think this may be it. But again, any criticism is all helpful.

I’ve always had a keen interest in the creative industries. From performance, through current affairs, to photography; I see media not as one topic, but an amalgamation of many disciplines. My dream is to be in an industry which I can enjoy. I feel that in this sense, media is my calling. I’m fascinated by all areas of media, in particular the influence it has have over our society. I am keen to be part of a new generation of innovative and groundbreaking expression.
Determined and hard working, I am constantly looking to learn new skills and gain further information. I am very well read and have an astute interest in language. Some of the books I have read have included those of, Stephen Fry, John Kennedy Toole, Harper Lee, Bill Hicks, George Orwell, Irvine Welsh and various publications by Hunter S Thompson. From Hicks and Thompson’s bravery to explore and document the unknown, to Orwell’s attack on the progression of society, I think all have made valid and essential contributions to create the world we live in today.
It is my attention to small detail which makes any task I undertake reach the highest standards. I am a perfectionist by nature and am never satisfied with a first draft. I take constructive criticism positively. Having done numerous amateur productions in theatre, I understand fully that all observations are to the benefit of the finished product. However, I also work well alone and criticise my own work so that I only produce my best.
I adore writing, and have recently written a script, which will be performed at the Dundee Repertory Theatre January 2008. An amateur piece, the enthusiasm it was greeted with by the director and fellow actors, gives an indication of the professional level I am capable of achieving. The script was influenced by a previous play we had considered performing. My script, Megiddo, detail’s the events around a city blackout and how this affects society, and how strangers come together in time’s of need. There are a few large topics raised throughout the play, about morals and religion. A large part of it is the ongoing debate of global warming. I’m really pleased how the issues are dealt with in a challenging, but diplomatic way.
Having been out of education for two years, I am now zealous to enter a rigorous higher education program. I feel that my absence from regimented learning, has allowed me to investigate society in my own time. I have picked up many skills in the real world, which I may not have acquired, had I continuously been studying. For most of these two years absent from education I have been working full time. This has given me great practice in learning new skills quickly and in a busy environment. I’ve also been working in close contact with the public, and have developed great confidence and interpersonal skills. I can deal with problem situations under pressure in a composed and an affirmative manner. I think these skills would help greatly should I be successful with my application, as they will insure my work is completed on time and to the best of standards.
However, I feel the most important thing I have learnt of myself over the past two years, is that I am wholly ready to progress in my self development and know that University is the best course of action to utilise this. I am incredibly eager to learn and apply all new knowledge to the progression of my career.
I sincerely believe it is my determination to succeed, and willingness to learn that makes this the correct time, and I the correct candidate, for this university.


Thank you so much for all your help. I want this so much.

Very quick look but:

"I’ve always had a keen interest in the creative industries, from performance, through current affairs, to photography. I see media not as one topic, but an amalgamation of many disciplines. My ambition is to be in an industry that I can enjoy. I feel that in this sense, media is my calling. I’m fascinated by all its facets, but in particular the influence it has over our society. I am keen to be part of a new generation of innovative and groundbreaking expression.

Determined and hard working, I am constantly looking to learn new skills and gain further insight. I am very well read and have an astute interest in language [<< qualify this or do you mean strong interest in literature, seeing this (in which case put literature) >>]. Some of the books I have read include those of: Stephen Fry, John Kennedy Toole, Harper Lee, Bill Hicks, George Orwell, Irvine Welsh and various publications by Hunter S Thompson. From Hicks and Thompson’s bravery to explore and document the unknown, to Orwell’s attack on the progression of society, I think all have made valid and essential contributions to create the world we live in today.

My attention to detail means I undertake any task to the highest standard I can and take pride in a job well done. I am a perfectionist by nature and am never satisfied with a first draft and can take constructive criticism positively. Having done numerous amateur productions in theatre, I fully understand that all observations are to the benefit of the finished product. However, I also work well alone and reflect on my own work so that I only produce my best.

I adore writing and have recently written a script, which will be performed at the Dundee Repertory Theatre, in January 2008. As an amateur piece, the enthusiasm it was greeted with by the director and fellow actors gives, I feel, an indication of the professional level I am capable of achieving. The script, Megiddo, details the events around a city blackout, how this affects society and the way in which strangers come together in times of need; there are a number of large topics raised throughout the play, many revolving around morality and religion. A large part of it also explores the ongoing debate about global warming. I’m really pleased how the issues are dealt with in a challenging, but diplomatic way.

Having been out of education for two years I am now ready, I feel, to enter a rigourous Higher Education program. I feel that my absence from structured learning has allowed me to investigate society with some independence. I have picked up many skills in the real world, which I may not have acquired otherwise. For most of these two years I have been working full time. This has given me great practice in learning new skills quickly and in a busy environment. I’ve also been working in close contact with the public and have developed greater confidence and interpersonal skills. I can deal with problem situations under pressure in a composed and professional manner. I think these skills would help greatly should I be successful with my application, as they will ensure my work is completed on time and to the best of standards.

However, I feel the most important thing I have learnt about myself over the past two years, is that I am wholly ready to progress to what I hope will be the next chapter in my self development and know that University is the best course of action to achieve this. I am incredibly eager to learn and apply all new knowledge to the progressing of my career.

I sincerely believe it is my determination to succeed and willingness to learn that makes this the right time for me."

but still not sure about that last line

HOLY SHIRT!!
I got in!! I got in!!
Not only that I got a fucking unconditional, which I'm so bloody brilliant that even though i didn't have the right grades, i fucking got in. They fucking want me, scrap that, they NEED me!!
Sorry for being so excited but I feel like I've just been born, honestly wanted this so much and now it's fucking happening and there's no one here to get drunk with me.

I FUCKING GOT IN!!!
YES!!!

haha congratulations idio!

NO COUNCIL TAX!!!!!!!!!!!

congrats idio

BOOYAKASHA, BOO- BOO- BOOYAKASHA


lets hope you play nicely with the other kidz

cheers

vortexual

ps

lets see your actual statement that you submitted

What uni are you going to?

I felt the same the other month when I got into my uni - it's such a bastard having to write the personal statement!

Oh yeah? What would you have written then? :P

Mean.

Be sure to tell them you were drunk when reading Hunter S. Thompson....His books made me the Man I am today..

Don't forget that you must keep us all updated on your "FAFW"

Sounds like you are gonna have a great time, am so jealous!

All the best

vortexual

FAFW - Fucking awesome freshers week?

nicko said...is it not Fuck A Fresher Week?

correctomondo

vortexual

Been busy, missed most of this, congrats Idiosyncratic . . .

well done

beer's on you ;0)

Idiosyncratic said...As in . . . >_>
Ooh, I don't know if Brian will be happy about that. But if I must.

That's what I call a team player

But considering Brian into the equation, well....if it has to be a threesome am sure we can bend the rules this once

all the best

vortexual

you know, i was wondering about that. sometimes people change their mind; i'm glad you didn't.

Idiosyncratic said... I forgot how much fun it is to learn!

like you, i left school very young, and when i finally got to uni, i was nearly drunk with joy. the school finally limited me as to how many courses i could take. (still irks me). it's sweet to get a little aftertaste of that joy, reading your enthusiasm, idio.

did you have to move to Glasgow, or are there local uni affiliate courses for you at the beginning?

that's excellent, idio.

d'you notice the cynical lift of lip that smiley has?

*nod* almost... elvis-like.

in all but lip-lifting, i heartily concur.