Jokes

17810121315

Comments

  • edited 8:10PM
    Ostirhc warnings on this one...

    Doggy talk

    Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the vet's when they struck up a conversation.
    The Yellow Labrador turned to the Chocolate Labrador and said, 'So, why are you here?'
    The Chocolate Lab replied, 'I'm a pisser. I piss on everything . . . The sofa, the curtains, the cat, the kids. But the final straw was last night when I pissed in the middle of my owner's bed.
    The Yellow Lab said, 'So what is the vet going to do?'
    'Gonna cut my nuts off,' came the reply from the Chocolate Lab. 'They reckon it'll calm me down.
    'The Yellow Lab then turned to the Black Labrador and asked, 'Why are you here?'
    The Black Lab said, 'I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and trees, I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I dig up the carpets. But I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my owners' couch.'
    'So what are they going to do to you?' the Yellow Lab inquired.
    'Looks like I'm losing my nuts, too', the dejected Black Lab said.
    The Black Lab then turned to the Yellow Lab and asked, 'Why are you here?'
    'I'm a humper,' the Yellow Lab said. 'I'll hump anything. I'll hump the cat, a pillow, the table, fence posts, whatever. I want to hump everything I see. Yesterday, my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending down to dry her toes and I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her back and started hammering away'.
    The Black and the Chocolate Labs exchanged a sad glance and said, 'So, nuts off for you too, huh?'
    The Yellow Lab said, 'No, I'm here to get my nails clipped!'
  • edited 8:10PM
    back up a page and you'll see that i agree with you.

    heh... except i forgot about any warnings. :)




    A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, I bet you can't tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time."



    She said, [Hide]"You have the biggest penis of all your friends."[/Hide]
  • edited 8:10PM
    sorry - too many of them but it doesn´t hurt to repeat them if I missed it maybe someone else did too ;)
    wonder if this one was published in here too

    Mohammad enters his classroom
    - What is your name? asked the teacher.
    - Mohammad, answered the kid.
    - Here we are in France, there is no Mohammad,from now on your name will be Jean-Francois, replied the teacher
    In the evening, Mohamed returned home.
    - The day went ................. well Mohammad? asked his mother.
    - MY name is not Mohammad,i am in France and my name is Jean-Francois
    - Ah, are you ashamed with your name, are you trying to disown your Parents????? your heritage????? Shame on you .......and she beats him
    Then she called the father and he beats him very hard the next day Mohamed returned to school
    When the teacher saw him with all the bruises she asked:
    - What happened my little Jean-Francois.
    - Well Miss , 2 hours after becoming French I was attacked by two Arabs.
  • edited 8:10PM
    mikey said...it doesn´t hurt to repeat them if I missed it maybe someone else did too ;)
    true, that. :) it is a very good joke.



    i like the joke about labeling people, too Mikey. i've heard several variations, but it's wonderful irony.


    x

    ......................

    A guy goes into his dentist’s office, because something is wrong with his mouth.
    After a brief examination, the dentist exclaims, “Holy Smoke! That plate I installed in your mouth about six months ago has nearly completely corroded! What on earth have you been eating?”

    “Well... the only thing I can think of is this... my wife made me some asparagus about four months ago with this stuff on it...
    Hollandaise sauce she called it... and doctor, I’m talkin’ DELICIOUS!
    I’ve never tasted anything like it, and ever since then I’ve been putting it on everything... meat, fish, toast, vegetables... you name it!”

    “That’s probably it,” replied the dentist “Hollandaise sauce is made with lemon juice, which is acidic and highly corrosive. It seems as though I’ll have to install a new plate, but made out of chrome this time.”

    “Why chrome?” the man asked.


    [hide]“Well, everyone knows that there’s no plate like chrome for the hollandaise![/hide]
  • edited 8:10PM
    who's your pal?
  • edited 8:10PM
    Two men were driving through Saskatchewan when they got pulled over by an RCMP officer. The cop walked up and tapped on the window with his night-stick. The driver rolled down the window, and WHACK, the cop smacked him in the head with his night-stick.

    “What the hell was that for?” the driver asked.

    “You’re in Saskatchewan son,” the cop answered. “When we pull you over in Saskatchewan , you better have your license ready by the time we get to your car.”

    “I’m sorry officer,” the driver said, “I’m not from around here.”

    The cop runs a check on the guy’s license–he’s clean, and gives the guy his license back. The cop then walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window. The passenger rolls down the window, and WHACK, the cop smacks him on the head with the night-stick.

    “What’d you do that for?” the passenger demands.

    “Just making your wish come true,” replied the cop.

    “Making WHAT wish come true?” the passenger asked.

    “Because I know your type,” the cop says, “two miles down the road, you’re gonna turn to your buddy and say, ‘I wish that asshole would’ve tried that shit with me!’”
  • edited 8:10PM
    I phoned the new medical helpline for swine flu the other day.

    All I got was crackling.
  • edited 8:10PM
    groan


    i've told this one before. a discussion last night reminded me of it.


    A man escaped from prison where he has been for 15 years. He broke into a house to look for money and guns and found a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of the bed and ties him to a chair while tying the girl to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets
    up and goes into the bathroom.

    While he's in there, the husband whispers to his wife, 'Listen, this guy's an escaped convict - look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous... If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

    To which the wife responds, 'He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. I love you, too"
  • edited 8:10PM
    lol
  • edited 8:10PM
    Heard this one yesterday...

    A man is comes up to a woman, the woman asks him "is that a gun in your pocket or are you pleased to see me?"

    He replies: "well actually it's a bit of both, this is a rape"
  • edited 8:10PM
    :D
  • edited 8:10PM
    Bob Hill and his new wife Betty were vacationing in Europe, as it happens, near Transylvania. They were driving in a rental car along a rather deserted highway. It was late and raining very hard. Bob could barely see the road in front of the car. Suddenly the car skids out of control! Bob attempts to control the car, but to no avail! The car swerves and smashes into a tree.

    Moments later, Bob shakes his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looks over at the passenger seat and sees his wife unconscious… With her head bleeding! Despite the rain and unfamiliar countryside, Bob knows he has to get her medical assistance. Bob carefully picks his wife up and begins trudging down the road. After a short while, he sees a light. He heads towards the light, which is coming from a large, old castle. He approaches the door and knocks.

    A minute passes. A small, hunched man opens the door. Bob immediately blurts, “Hello, my name is Bob Hill, and this is my wife Betty. We’ve been in a terrible accident, and my wife has been seriously hurt. Can I please use your phone?”

    “I’m sorry,” replied the hunchback, “but we don’t have a phone. My master is a doctor; come in and I will get him!”

    Bob brings his wife in. An elegant man comes down the stairs. “I’m afraid my assistant may have misled you. I am not a medical doctor; I am a scientist. However, it is many miles to the nearest clinic, and I have had a basic medical training. I will see what I can do. Igor, bring them down to the laboratory.”

    With that, Igor picks up Betty and carries her downstairs, with Bob following closely. Igor places Betty on a table in the lab. Bob collapses from exhaustion and his own injuries, so Igor places Bob on an adjoining table.

    After a brief examination, Igor’s master looks worried. “Things are serious, Igor. Prepare a transfusion”

    Igor and his master work feverishly, but to no avail. Bob and Betty Hill are no more.

    The Hills’ deaths upset Igor’s master greatly. Wearily, he climbs the steps to his conservatory, which houses his grand piano. For it is here that he has always found solace. He begins to play, and a stirring, almost haunting melody fills the house.

    Meanwhile, Igor is still in the lab tidying up. His eyes catch movement, and he notices the fingers on Betty’s hand twitch, keeping time to the haunting piano music. Stunned, he watches as Bob’s arm begins to rise, marking the beat! He is further amazed as Betty and Bob both sit up straight!

    Unable to contain himself, he dashes up the stairs to the conservatory. He bursts in and shouts to his master:

    [hide]“Master, Master! The Hills are alive with the sound of music!”[/hide]
  • edited 8:10PM
    OMG
  • edited June 2009
    :) always good to get an appropriate reaction to a fine fine shaggy dog story.

    ..............

    WOMEN'S ASS SIZE STUDY
    There is a new study about women and how they feel about their asses; the results were pretty interesting:
    30% of women think their ass is too fat............
    10% of women think their ass is too skinny......

    The remaining 60% say they don't care, they love him, he's a good man and they wouldn't trade him for the world.
  • edited 8:10PM
    lol
  • edited 8:10PM
    A lawer dies and ends up at Saint Peters Desk. He tells Saint Peter-I'm to young to die, I'm only 50.. Saint Peter replies- We added up your Billable Accounts You are 82 years old.....

    boom, shoosh..drumroll..
  • edited 8:10PM
    A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant
    and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
    "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked.
    "No, you idiot!" the man shouted. "This is her husband!"
  • edited 8:10PM
    :)


    Pavarotti is standing at the pearly gates.

    St Peter opens them and says "oh it's you Luciano, come on in, squeeze through".

    Pavarotti says "hold on, i've got an envelope for you, from the Pope."

    St Peter opens it up and reads it.




    [hide]"HERE'S THAT TENOR I OWE YOU"[/hide]
  • edited 8:10PM
    ha
  • edited 8:10PM
    Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to Make Their Days Interesting.

    "Well, for example, the other day the wife and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.

    We went up to him and I said, ‘Come on man, how about giving a Senior citizen a break? ‘He ignored us and continued writing the ticket.

    I called him a dumb ass. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires . So Mary called him a shithead. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

    Just then our bus arrived.

    We try to have a little fun each day now that we’re retired. It’s important at our age
    ."

    i think i know those people. :D
  • edited 8:10PM
    PROOF THAT MEN HAVE BETTER FRIENDS. . .

    Friendship among Women:
    A woman didn't come home one night.
    The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house.
    The man called his wife's 10 best friends.
    None of them knew anything about it.

    Friendship among Men:
    A man didn't come home one night.
    The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house.
    The woman called her husband's 10 best friends.
    Eight confirmed that he had slept over, and two said he was still there.
  • edited 8:10PM
    ha!

    so true. ;)



    Women just have different priorities, you know?
    ..............


    She was standing in the kitchen
    Preparing to boil eggs for breakfast,
    Wearing only the 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.

    As I walked in almost awake,
    She turned and said softly,
    'You've got to make love to me this very moment.'

    My eyes lit up and I thought,
    'I am either still dreaming or
    This is going to be my lucky day.'

    Not wanting to lose the moment,
    I embraced her and then gave it my all;
    Right there on the kitchen table.

    Afterwards she said, 'Thanks,'
    And returned to the stove, her 'T' shirt
    Still around her neck.

    A little puzzled, I asked,
    'What was that all about?'

    She explained . . .

    'The egg timer is broken'
  • edited 8:10PM
    A man is walking in a graveyard when he hears the Third Symphony played backward. When it’s over, the Second Symphony starts playing, also backward, and then the First. "What’s going on?" he asks a cemetery worker. "It’s Beethoven," says the worker.

    [hide]"He’s decomposing."[/hide]
  • edited 8:10PM
    Ha, I'm totally using that last one. :D
  • edited 8:10PM
    3 minutes is a pretty long time to be honest :happy:
  • edited 8:10PM
    LOL! alone doesn't count nicko :P
  • edited 8:10PM
    Oh... I don't like my eggs that soft :happy:
  • edited 8:10PM
    An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding.
    The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.
    He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"
    "Just water," says the priest.
    The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"
    The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"
  • edited 8:10PM
    heh

    ...........

    Little Johnny and Susie, each five years old, decided to get married. So Little Johnny went to Susie's dad to ask for her hand in marriage.

    "Where will you live?" asked Susie's dad, thinking this was cute.

    "Well," said Little Johnny, "I figured I could just move into Susie's room. It's plenty big for both of us."

    "And how will you live?"

    "I get $5 a week allowance and Susie gets $5 a week allowance. That should be enough."

    Getting exasperated since Little Johnny seems to know all the answers, Susie's dad asked, "And what if little ones come along?"

    "Well," said Little Johnny, "we've been lucky so far."
  • edited 8:10PM
    The coach had put together the perfect team for the Detroit Lions. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback.

    He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win. Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan . In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghan Muslim soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away.

    KABOOM!

    He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney.

    KA-BLOOEY!

    Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph.

    BULLS-EYE!

    "I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"

    So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Lions go on to win the Super Bowl. The young Afghan is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.

    "Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"

    "I don't want to talk to you, the old Muslim woman says. "You are not my son!"

    "I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans."

    "No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble.

    Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get raped!"

    The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says,

    [hide]"I will never forgive you for making us move to Detroit!"[/hide]
  • edited 8:10PM
    oh that is so wrong,

    and yet.....

    :p
  • edited 8:10PM
    Boudreaux was lying on his death bed. The doctor had already told him that he surely wouldn't live for another week. Suddenly, and much to Boudreaux's glee, a wonderful aroma hit Boudreaux like a tidal wave. He knew that the smell meant only one thing- his wife had just made a pot of gumbo. Boudreaux wanted a bowl so badly, but he was no longer able to walk, so he crawled out of his bed and into the kitchen. Just as Boudreaux was reaching for the pot, his wife barked out, "Boudreaux! Shame on you! You know that gumbo is going to be for the funeral."
  • edited 8:10PM
    ^ :D

    .......

    this is to punish flak:

    It is common knowledge that the after the Romans conquered Israel, they renamed the country "Palestine" after a bastardized version of the name
    Phillistines. One of the legacies of that conquest was the spread of Israelites over the European continent as the Romans had them rowing in the galleys. Then they were sold off into slavery in the Roman Empire.

    That empire stretched all the way up to Britain. It was there that the Romans discovered that some of the Jews they had taken to be sold off as slaves in the upper realm of the empire were actually quite ill. The Romans had unknowingly rounded up the denizens of a leper colony onto a ship. The sickly people were banished in Britain to the western islands, the Emerald Isles. Back home in the Holy Land they were originally "leper Cohens".....but through the changes in language that followed Roman conquest, they became leprechauns.

    [Hide]I've had people believe this one. ;) [/Hide]
  • edited 8:10PM
    Boudreaux passes to Hawaii on vacation.

    Down at the pool, a fellow sits next to Boudreaux. Boudreaux says "Hey, how you doing? My name is Boudreaux and I'm here on vacation. My house caught itself on fire and I got a little extra from the insurance company."

    "Well that's interesting," responded the fellow "I'm here from California and my house flooded. I used the extra insurance money for this vacation."

    "Mais dats good," said Boudreaux "but let me axe you one ting. How de hell did you start de flood?"
  • edited 8:10PM
    Some are old but still crack me up...


    Ever spoken and wished that you could take the words back...or
    that you could crawl into a hole? Here are a few stories of
    people who did and do....

    1) I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids
    in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo
    and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and
    never went back. My husband didn't say a word... he knew better.

    2) My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store
    that sold a variety of nuts. As we were looking at the display
    case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I
    replied,
    "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."
    My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I
    turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has
    never let me forget.

    4) While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided
    to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able
    to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and
    annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not
    start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror,
    she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening,
    "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I
    saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence
    was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers
    stopped
    what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my
    dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The
    last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams
    of laughter.

    5) A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she
    finally
    got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the
    checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store
    to hear, "PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX SUPER SIZE."
    That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store
    apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS."
    In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom.
    "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND
    YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?"

    6) Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
    My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training
    and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell
    for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with
    a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something
    funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter
    and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go
    potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he
    said "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an
    accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said,
    "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"
    "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident,
    because
    the smell was getting worse. Soooooo! I asked one more time,
    "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked
    down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled.
    "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to
    death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants
    and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking
    me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

    7) This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days
    and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future,
    likely think before she speaks.

    What happens when you predict snow but don't get any....a true
    story...We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was
    supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and
    asked:
    "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
  • edited 8:10PM
    ha!

    *waves hammer in the air*
  • edited 8:10PM
    Guglielmo Marconi, an Italian, is generally credited with the invention of radio. However, scientists from all over the world had to make contributions before radio could be a reality. For instance, an American Joseph Henry and an Englishman, Michael Faraday proved that currents in one wire could produce currents in another. Edouard Branly, a Frenchman, invented a devise that could receive Marconi's transmissions and ring a bell.

    John Fleming, an Englishman, invented the vacuum tube necessary to receive radio waves which was later improved by another American, Lee de
    Forest. But none of this would have been possible without a means to collect the sounds for transmissions. The common belief is that the
    microphone was invented by an Irishman...... [Hide]but this is purely a patent mike story.[/Hide]
  • edited 8:10PM
    top ten jokes from this years edinburgh fringe festival
    1. Dan Antopolski - "Hedgehogs - why can't they just share the hedge?"
    2. Paddy Lennox - "I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought: 'This could be interesting'."
    3. Sarah Millican - "I had my boobs measured and bought a new bra. Now I call them Joe Cocker and Jennifer Warnes because they're up where they belong."
    4. Zoe Lyons - "I went on a girls' night out recently. The invitation said 'dress to kill'. I went as Rose West."
    5. Jack Whitehall - "I'm sure wherever my dad is; he's looking down on us. He's not dead, just very condescending."
    6. Adam Hills - "Going to Starbucks for coffee is like going to prison for sex. You know you're going to get it, but it's going to be rough."
    7. Marcus Brigstocke - "To the people who've got iPhones: you just bought one, you didn't invent it!"
    8. Rhod Gilbert - "A spa hotel? It's like a normal hotel, only in reception there's a picture of a pebble."
    9. Dan Antopolski - "I've been reading the news about there being a civil war in Madagascar. Well, I've seen it six times and there isn't."
    10. Simon Brodkin (as Lee Nelson) - "I started so many fights at my school - I had that attention-deficit disorder. So I didn't finish a lot of them."
  • edited 8:10PM
    mick said...Guglielmo Marconi, an Italian, is generally credited with the invention of radio. However, scientists from all over the world had to make contributions before radio could be a reality. For instance, an American Joseph Henry and an Englishman, Michael Faraday proved that currents in one wire could produce currents in another. Edouard Branly, a Frenchman, invented a devise that could receive Marconi's transmissions and ring a bell.

    John Fleming, an Englishman, invented the vacuum tube necessary to receive radio waves which was later improved by another American, Lee de
    Forest. But none of this would have been possible without a means to collect the sounds for transmissions. The common belief is that the
    microphone was invented by an Irishman...... [Hide]but this is purely a patent mike story.[/Hide]
    eh?
  • edited September 2009
    eh.. if it's got to be explained, it's a poor joke. :)

    there's a lot of different kinds of stereotype jokes. blond jokes, Swede jokes (Ole and Lena) and... Irish jokes (Pat and Mike).
  • never heard of a pat and mike story
  • edited 8:10PM
    :) i am pleased to have broadened your horizons in the direction of crassness and/or stereotyping.
  • edited 8:10PM
    a man picks up a young woman in a bar and convinces her to come back to his hotel.

    when they are relaxing afterwards, he asks, "am I the first man you ever made love to?"

    she looks at him thoughtfully for a second before replying..... [hide] "you might be," she says. "your face looks vaguely familiar."[/hide]
  • edited 8:10PM
    Quibodeaux, Thibodeaux and Boudreaux were sitting in a boat on a very cloudy day fishing. They had been fishing a good while when the sky suddenly opened up just above them and a ray of light shined down directly on the front of the boat. It spooked them and they started to get nervous. All of a sudden, they heard a voice from up above. "This is the Lord." They all looked at one another and begin saying, "I didn't do nothing, I didn't do nothing, I didn't do nothing." The Lord said, "Don't get nervous. I'm not here to pass judgment on you, I only want to grant each of you one healing wish." They all calmed down and Quibodeaux stood up in the boat. "As you already know Lord, I've been having this crick in the back of my neck for the past ten years and if you were to grant me a healing wish, that would be it." The Lord waved his hand and Quibodeaux started moving his neck freely. "Mais, that feels good. Thank you Lord, thank you," and he sat down. Thibodeaux stood up next. "You know Lord, that bum leg I've been having for the past fifteen years, you know how bad I limp, if you were to grant me one wish, that would be it." The Lord waved his hand and Thibodeaux immediately felt the limp leave his leg. "Oh thank you Lord, oh thank you, thank you." Before Thibodeaux could sit down, there was a big splash behind the boat. Both Quibodeaux and Thibodeaux looked behind themselves and see Boudreaux swimming away from the boat as fast as he could. Thibodeaux shouted, "Boudreaux, where you going? The Lord is not here to pass judgment on you, he's here to grant you a healing wish. You know that bad back of yours, he can heal it for you right here and now." Boudreaux hollered back, not missing a swim stride, "No, no, I don't want the Lord to heal me, I'll lose my disability check.
  • edited 8:10PM
    i like that joke. :)
  • warning, joke of questionable taste to follow, but blues put me up to it.

    boudreaux gets married and goes off on his honeymoon with his new bride. the very next day boudreaux turns up back at his fathers house. surprised to see him back so soon boudreaux's father asks him what happened. boudreaux explains – well papa i had to leave her. when we got to the motel and was gettin' ready fer bed she told me that i should be careful, this bein' her first time and all… well damn papa what am i supposed to do, if she ain't good enough fer her own family she ain't good enough fer ours!
  • edited 8:10PM
    Redneck in Exile said...warning, joke of questionable taste to follow, but blues put me up to it.

    boudreaux gets married and goes off on his honeymoon with his new bride. the very next day boudreaux turns up back at his fathers house. surprised to see him back so soon boudreaux's father asks him what happened. boudreaux explains – well papa i had to leave her. when we got to the motel and was gettin' ready fer bed she told me that i should be careful, this bein' her first time and all… well damn papa what am i supposed to do, if she ain't good enough fer her own family she ain't good enough fer ours!

    My Sister never would give it up!
  • not mine either
  • edited 8:10PM
    * Boudreaux dies

    I've got some bad news. There will be no more Boudreaux & Thibodeaux jokes. Boudreaux passed away and left a will. He wanted to be buried at sea. Thibodeaux drowned trying to dig his grave.
  • edited 8:10PM
    What do you call a nervous jedi?
    [hide]Panicking Skywalker[/hide]
Sign In or Register to comment.